“I’m not addicted to makeup, I can quit anytime I like!” she says as she puts on a highlight pigmented lipstick on. We all know makeup and skincare is amazing, but are you a little too obsessed?
1. Walking into Mecca Maxima or Sephora makes your heart beat faster. There’s just… so many beautiful… shiny… glittery things… I’m not crying, you are.
2. And speaking of makeup stores, you are always shocked to hear “Your total will be $294.50”. “How the hell did I spend that much? Did I black out? I literally came in here for one thing! And it’s a sale! And… oh yep, my little basket is overflowing, that’ll do it.”
3. Your hand is permanently covered in coloured stripes and glitter from all the swatching you do. What? You had to check the pigment and coverage. Of everything. Ever. In the whole store. For an hour. You’re sure it will start some kind of trend one day. Why isn’t hand makeup a thing?
4. You always find excuses to buy more. “Yes I know I have a pallette with almost all the same colours, but THIS ONE HAS ONE GLITTER SHADE IN IT.”
5. You have separate drawers for separate categories of products. Makeup cupboard? That’s hilarious! No, you have a moisturiser drawer, a cleanser drawer, a lipstick cupboard, and one reserved for palettes.
6. You don’t have a guest bedroom, you’ve got a makeup room. Guests? You don’t have room. Not with your Hollywood makeup mirror, your halo ring light, your product-strewn vanity, the shelves adorned with acrylic makeup storage overflowing with product. Not to mention the storage drawers full of all your extras. It’s like your very own walk-in Sephora in there. Oh look, if you want to stay over I guess I can set up an air bed or something.
7. You’ve got six sets of makeup brushes but only one set that you use Look, you know once you use brushes they will NEVER look that pretty ever again, no matter how much you wash them. You have to keep the bristles pristine, right? Even if you never use them… just so they look pretty and perfect forever. And heck, you don’t even know what like 30 per cent of the brushes are for. What on earth do you use the medium floofy one for?
8. Your friends always ask if you have any spare makeup they might like and even though you’re drowning in it and it will go off before you can use it, you still say no. “I might have a… no that’s limited edition. Or there’s a spare… no I might run out of the other one so I have to keep that… Priceline is having a sale?”
9. You won’t let people touch your makeup unless it’s been photographed first. Your friends come over to look at your amazing collection but are constantly keeping their hands behind their backs because they know you won’t let them even breathe on the new shadows until you’ve Instagrammed them in all their untouched glory.
10. Your Instagram has no people in it, only beauty products. … There’s another type of Insta feed?
11. You’ve ever referred to a palette as one of your babies. I think this one is self-explanatory.
12. Sometimes you eat Mi Goreng all week because you spent your last $80 on a pretty new highlighter You know that even though you’re starving, just looking at the new shiny you bought will fill your soul and your stomach. Beware, the metaphorical filling doesn’t stop tummy rumbles.
13. You buy whole collections of stuff just so you, like, have the whole collection. Yes, I KNOW the dark blue galactic lipstick won’t suit me but it looks so pretty next to all the others!
14. When you find a product you adore, you buy six of them, even though you own 106 different versions at home You know that even though you have heaps of dupes, THIS one is different so you gotta buy it all before it sells out because you might never be able to get it again. But you better use the other old ones you don’t like as much first.
Elizabeth Best is a journalist, beauty expert, foodie and travel lover with a mild obsession for all things shimmery. She also hosts the smash-hit sex and relationships comedy podcast Ghosts of Boyfriends Past In her spare time, she likes long walks down the makeup aisle and performing in Brisbane theatre. You can follow her adventures on Instagram@thebeautypalate.