Most of us have already seen hell by working the brutally long and busy shifts leading up to Christmas. Ironically, you are probably rostered on because you need a bit of extra cash for all your Christmas shopping. While everyone else works their normal 9-5 jobs, you’re stuck working nights, weekends, and sometimes getting placed on that 2AM start for the 36-hour shopping trade! You’re dealing with more people than you’ve ever come across in your entire life.
In this jolly good time there might be some particular mental notes you happen to make. Let’s take a step into the brain of human retail elves with a list of thoughts that a Christmas casual might have:
1. Has there always there been this many kids in Brisbane?
2. How is it that parents are making more of a mess than their children?
3. Why is it so busy at 8:30 in the morning? Nothing is even open yet!
4. Why can’t everyone just go overseas for Christmas?
5. Wish me luck for the late night shopping shift.
6. Please let there be more than just me, myself and I working today.
7. Why the sh** did I say I was available for so many hours?
8. *Customer buys something cute*. Ooh, that’s a good present idea. I should put that aside for myself.
9. My cheeks might also fall off from smiling so much.
10. Maybe we’ll lose power and everyone will have to go home.
11. If I have to fold one more shirt, my hands might actually fall off.
12. Maybe we’ll be able to close early today. Oh wait, never mind. Fifteen people just walked in five minutes before closing.
13. Please don’t ask me to gift-wrap these presents.
14. Oh you want these gifts wrapped? No problem at all… it will only take about an hour longer and I’ll probably stuff it up and you’ll re-wrap it anyway.
15. If there was a zombie apocalypse outside, I wouldn’t even know because I’ve been trapped inside all day. Actually, that’s probably a good thing.
16. Is today Tuesday or Saturday? I’ve lost weekday consciousness.
17. If I hide in the back and take a ten-minute nap, will anybody notice?
18. People say Christmas in Australia is too hot, well not when you work in a shopping centre. I need about three jumpers right now.
19. I have about ten Christmas songs stuck in my head ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
20. If I have a bathroom break every half hour, maybe my shift will go by faster.
21. I just want to go home, sit in a bath, and watch Christmas films all day.
22. I think my stomach hurts… maybe I should go home early and watch a Christmas film to make me feel better.
23. Working Boxing Day would make for a great pay check. But is it really worth it?
24. Is it possible to gain stress wrinkles in the space of a month?
25. If only my co-workers and I could speak a different language, so we can talk about customers right in front of them.
26. I hope I’m on decorating duty today.
27. I wonder how much I can buy with my employee discount.
28. YAY, my shift is over! Time to go Christmas shopping.