The Top 5 Things iPhone Still Can’t Do

From the archives: This post is from our original site, MyCityLife back on 10 September 2014

I hearts Apple. There are fewer people than me in this dimension who hearts Apple m00r. And Apple was hearted extra extra after Mister Tim Cook announced all its brand new and shiny innovations – which if you were on the pulse and iExcited, you caught from 3am this morning.

The Lady Lex iDown Low:

Here’s the D/L for dummies those who just don’t have the patience to trawl through Mister Tim Cook’s presentation:

All around the world, over half a billion peeps soaked up all things going Apple. And the biggest news of all: technology just got wearable. Welcome iWatch Apple Watch. It’s as sexy, blingy or sporty as you make it. Infrared, LED, pulse, interface, retina display, fluid, digital crown and compulsion: these are all words you will learn when using it. Or wanting to use it. Bring on the next generation of #iFitspo We. Are. Um. Doomed. Welcome the next generation of talking into your shoe. Or watch. Hello Maxwell Smart!

And speaking of Smart, the Apple Smartphone just got biggerer. Like 2012 biggerer. And so biggerer, a great big fat “add” sign got attached to it too. Just like Google. Yes, the iPhone6 gets a plus, as in iPhone6 Plus. But betterer. Because size matters. So it makes your hand look smaller. And there’s an iOS8 already. And the new iOS8 is adaptable to everything – except for anything first generation of Apple that is. There’s also a new way of the world taking your money when you don’t have any: iPay. Because impulse shopping when you’re drinking has never been easier. Like at Disney World for example. 

It will learn to talk like you (god forbid). It’s more Big Brother than ever before: adding voice, video and location to any message. Because the metadata doesn’t have enough of that info already. It’s gonna give you #selfies like it never did before. It’s Thinner. It’s Strengthened. It’s Biggerer. And to prove it: it has millions of pixels. Okay. The iPhone6 only has one million pixels. And the iPhone6 Plus, over two million. Which means it has an awesome camera – one just like the iPhone 4, 4S, 5, 5S and 5C. Ok, so when I noted before the new iPhone has millions of pixels, I might have exaggerated slightly. Sorry #notsorry. In so many ways, at 128M GB, the brand new and shiny iPhone is harder, better, faster, stronger. Just like those French robots. Because you too need an iPhone6.

And speaking of U2, the biggest band in the world just got a massive plug to Apple adorers, lovers, followers and fans worldwide. That’s only half a billion. Because they hadn’t made record history enough already. And because they hadn’t consumed enough of the world already. Because the world is not enough. Because there’s still the universe to conquer. Because there’s still U2. Along with their brand new and shiny album. Free. To every iTunes Store Customer in 119 countries. Because 120 countries are not enough. Which you can download for free. If you’re an iTunes Store Customer. 

And while iPhone is all things amazon to half a billion of people worldwide, there are still things the Apple Smartphone is not capable of. And until they are, we’ll continue to be flippant about a much-loved icon that entices us to take a bite out of that poisoned orb. MyCityLife looks at the Top 5 Things iPhone Still Can’t Do.

A built-in breathalyser that blocks you from drunk texting:
The capability to emit an energy sword – like a lightsaber from Star Wars:
Being able to set your phone to automatic responses when anyone boring texts you:
A teleportation app:
And, a battery-heavy, water-proof and indestructible iPhone:

Apple Store Brisbane
Monday – Thursday 9am – 6pm,
Friday 9am – 9pm,
Saturday 9 am – 5pm,
Sunday 10am – 4pm
MacArthur Chambers, Brisbane

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