ABOUT THE WRITER: Georgia is a Business and Creative Writing student who has spent all of her money on airplane tickets and wine. What she lacks in upper body strength, she makes up for in an unhealthy aptitude for Simpson’s trivia. An uber driver once described her as ‘the best passenger rating I have ever seen’.
We know you may be planning to inhale and stuff your face in the name of holiday festivity over the weekend, and so you should! Easter is a magical day in which chocolate takes its rightful place on top of the food pyramid, and although there is no wrong way to consume it, your treat of choice can reveal a lot about your psyche.
Let’s see what your favourite Easter chocolate says about you:
Lindt Easter Bunny
One word: EXTRA. Your taste is as expensive as your haircut, and although you’d rather be skiing in the Swiss Alps over the Easter break, you’ll be just as delighted with sharing bomb pics of your family brunch on Instagram that will put the rest of us to shame. Although you probably won’t EAT that much chocolate, you’ll tell all your friends you did, and be very vocal about your post-Easter detox in the coming weeks.
Humpty Dumpty Egg
The term ‘inner child’ doesn’t apply to you because you are an actual child in an adult’s body. Basically a walking joke, you are constantly roasted in the group chat and have probably sustained a drunken injury within the past year. Your long weekend will most likely be spent in bed, surrounded by the chocolate that was intended for your younger cousins in the family Easter egg hunt, binge watching The Office for the thirtieth time.
Being the mum of your friendship group, you are in charge of making sure everyone gets home safely and are likely to sympathy cry when your friend has a drunken breakdown over their ex. Your long weekend will be spent making adorable egg baskets for your friends and family that you will disperse in your flawlessly coordinated, tastefully colourful Easter ensemble. You also have great shoes.
You’re a tough gym junky who will describe their chocolate intake over the break as ‘bulking’. If something is difficult, it’s not worth doing, so you opt for a chocolate that makes you work for it and look contemptuously on smoother alternatives. Scarred by your emotionally unavailable father, you will describe your 12-year-old cousin as ‘soft’ when he goes to hug Nan at Easter breakfast.
Cadbury Crème Egg
You were probably described as a ‘distraction’ by every single one of your teachers from grade 1 to grade 12. The doctors called it ADHD, your mum called it spirited. When you meet someone, you either instantly love or hate them, and you rarely change your mind once you’ve decided either way. You have a serious problem with authority and are more likely to indulge in a chocolate binge on Australia Day and eat celery on Easter just to exercise your free will. You are not to be trusted with plants or small pets.