As you head into work today and spend the next 8 hours or so mentally wondering if the office clock has frozen or gone back in time, we have assigned you a completely new task. Forget your actual work projects, and focus your attention to your fellow work colleagues and their distinguishable personalities. To help you figure them out we’ve created a list of our top ten stereotypical work office employees! Good luck.
1. The Surround Sound Speaker System
You hear their phone conversations with their doctor, their partner, and their kids, word-for-word. You hear them even when they’re talking in the kitchen, or in a meeting room. Not even noise-canceling headphones can help you avoid their overbearing voice.
2. The Bad Bowels Escapee
It seems like every time you need to talk to this person, they’re in the bathroom. They use the bathroom to strategically avoid meetings, phone calls, confrontation, and possibly their entire work role and responsibilities.
3. The Exotic Food Traveller
The snap of their container opening is immediately followed by the smell of whatever meal they’re having that day. Tuna, curry, sardines, egg salad; you name it, and you’ll smell it. The worst part is that the smell then lingers in the dishwasher for the rest of the week… or worse, it’s exploded in the microwave.
4. The XOXO Gossip Girl
Workplace romances, secrets from the past, hidden tension, problems at home – if there is anything you want to know, they will be able to tell you all about it. It’s possible that their inbox is most likely full of daily updates on current dramas rather than important work material.
6. The Coffee Anonymous Addict
They know coffee gives them heart palpitations and makes them shake uncontrollably, but they’ll go ahead and drink a triple shot anyway. This leaves you having to deal with their fast-talking, shaky writing, and minor break-downs. Sucks to be you.
5. The Little Mermaid On Land
You have to ask them to repeat themselves four times, until you end up just nodding and laughing, even though you still have no idea what they’ve said.
7. The Unexpected Loose Canon
They are completely put-together and professional when at work, without so much as a loose thread or a disorganised file. But as soon as the Friday afternoon champagne gets involved, they’re a total party animal.
9. The Fit As F*** Junkie
They work on their projects while working on their muscles. They are never not squatting, or talking about the gym. They are way too energetic, and they somehow manage to convince you to join them on a six kilometre loop before work.
8. The Overflowing Waterworks
They blow through boxes of tissues and cry about anything from being hungry to running out of staplers. They think everything is a personal attack, even so much as asking them to change the font of a document.
10. The Grim Reaper of Party Vibes
They never want to go out to after work drinks, and they hardly get into the spirit of Secret Santa. All they want to do at the office is work. Where’s the fun in that?